Welcome to today’s edition of Deliciously, the only newsletter you don’t send straight to the spam folder when you receive it.
The Easter holidays are upon us, and while some people are genuinely happy to celebrate the death and resurrection of Christ, some of us are just grateful for the extended holidays. We sincerely appreciate a world where we don’t have to write “kind regards” to anyone for four days straight.
On this day 2024 years ago, Brother Judas had just finished negotiating with the Romans to betray Christ. He only managed to finesse 30 pieces of silver from the Romans in exchange for Christ, which makes me think Judas was one hell of a terrible negotiator. I have reasons to believe that the Roman soldiers hired a Nigerian woman to do the negotiations for them because only Nigerian women have the audacity to price 5000 worth of meat to 1400.
This brings me to the point of today’s newsletter. As we embark on Easter shopping this weekend, guys, how good are your haggling skills at the market? I’m asking because I suck at haggling the price of food, and I want to know if this is a gender problem or if I’m just as terrible as Judas.
I recall a story from when my aunt wasn’t feeling well a few years ago. I had to do the market runs because heaven and earth may pass away, but Sunday rice had to be cooked. So tomatoes were needed, and it fell on me to go get them from the market.
She feared that being a guy would make me susceptible to being cheated and was initially reluctant to let me go. However, I convinced her that being perpetually broke had sharpened my haggling skills because I had no choice. She looked at me and said, hmmm, if you return with small tomatoes, I’ll send you back to return them and bring my money.
I promised to make her proud. She gave me money to go.
When I got there, the mallam looked like no one’s buddy. He was not particularly in the mood to entertain any form of haggling. However, I tried sha. He called each bowl N550, and I bargained for 400. I wasn’t haggling in the actual sense, though. I simply didn’t have the arrogant confidence of Nigerian women. I was begging.
“Mallam, please nau. Sell this thing for me for 300.” We later settled at 450, so I bought 5 bowls.
After he packed it, I inspected it and didn’t know if Aunty would be impressed with my bargaining or not. To be on the safer side, I brought out 1k of my own money to buy an additional 3 bowls. I will just not tell her about the extra bowls I bought with my own money, so it will appear like I bought so much with the money she gave me.
The plastic bag was pretty swell. I had done magic with the money I was given. Aunty would be proud.
When I got home, I showed her. She looked at it and looked at me, shocked. How much is this?! She asked, clearly exasperated. Beaming with pride, I told her, “That’s just 2000 own o,” I said, even though I had bought 3000 Naira worth of tomatoes.
She looked at me, hissed, and said, “this small thing?! I said it that you’ll let them cheat you! Boys are just useless!”
That incident shattered any hope I had of ever being great at haggling. When I go to the market and price a commodity lower than what the seller told me, it’s usually because I’m genuinely broke. But my sisters would go to the market, look the seller in the eyes, and ask him to take 2000 for a kilogram of chicken—IN THIS ECONOMY!
As we celebrate the Easter holidays this weekend, the market will be filled with people trying to buy food ingredients for Easter rice. The haggling game will commence again, with winners and losers surely to emerge from each trade. Due to conflicting schedules, I have become responsible for the Easter shopping. I have said my prayers and worn a faded T-shirt to trick the sellers into thinking I come from genuine poverty. Pray for me.
READ ALSO: 4 Restaurants tell us ways they reduce food waste and save money in the kitchen.
That’s it from us at Deliciously today. Do not forget to follow our Twitter account here. Also, remember to recommend our newsletter to your friends as you prepare to enjoy your holidays.
