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I hope you’re in good health and all is well at home. I’m asking this specific question because the other day, I saw someone eating amala, ewedu, gbegiri, and turkey. This is deeply upsetting. It is culturally unacceptable to sideline ogufe in an abula meal, and ogufe has been part of this food trinity since the days of Orunmila centuries ago. In the event that there’s no ogufe, the abula code stipulates that you substitute it with beef or kpomo. But turkey? Really? Is this a Gen-Z thing?
But this sort of atrocity doesn’t exist in isolation. In my short life on earth, I’ve noticed strange people mismatching proteins with meals they have no business in. Before the culture gets out of hand, I’ve decided to outline all the meals that only certain types of proteins work with. This is so that we don’t have to embarrass the culture any further.
Here’s a list of protein-meal mismatches that should NEVER happen:
Abula & Chicken/Turkey:
As already mentioned in the protest paragraph above, abula deserves better. This is an incompatible marriage between two entities that have nothing in common. It’s like those unrealistic Nollywood tropes where the village prince marries the peasant girl. If you can’t find ogufe, beef, or kpomo, make do with fish, maybe.
Native rice & Chicken:
Once again, it’s native rice. Tell me, how do you cook rice with palm oil, crayfish, diced kpomo, dried fish, locust beans, and somehow add chicken to this mix? Do you not realise how out-of-place the chicken is going to feel in this new environment? What’s even native about barbecued chicken?
Beans & meat:
No type of meat should find itself in a meal of beans. If you’re too rich to simply use bread or garri then use fish. How do you even live with yourself after chewing beans and beef together in the same mouth?
Soup & egg:
The excuse used to be that egg was the cheapest source of protein around. But not anymore. A crate of eggs costs almost as much as minimum wage. So there’s no conceivable excuse to dunk boiled eggs inside egusi. The only soup boiled eggs belong to is stew.
Fried rice and catfish:
Because of God, why would anyone even conceive this idea? Fried rice is crisp and crunchy when well-made. Catfish is soft and soggy, melting in your mouth. In what world do these things combine well together? What is wrong with humanity?
If you’re one such person who perpetuates these weird combos, I have only one word for you. Change.
Our heart goes out to our Ibadan readers who had to experience the physical and psychological trauma of the explosion that happened on Tuesday. We do hope that you’re safe. We at Deliciously do wish all affected people a quick recovery.
