I went on a date at a fine dining restaurant in Victoria Island a few years ago. It wasn’t my first restaurant date with a woman I’d just started talking with. But I was always nervous about this because it meant I had to sit on the other side of someone I barely knew, watch her eat, and try to converse. Left to me, I would have preferred a dinner date to come much later in our talking stage — when we might have become much more acquainted and comfortable with ourselves.

Anyway, my date arrived almost two hours late. This should have been a red flag, but I shrugged it off because Lagos is unpredictable. To make my experience worse, her tardiness was only the beginning of an evening I’d only been eager to forget.

First, it took forever for her to place an order because she wasn’t familiar with most of the meals on the menu despite being the one who picked the restaurant. After we got past that hurdle, she became too distracted for the date. She took a lot of selfies, and being something I was great at, I offered to take pictures of her. She was grateful for that. Yet, we couldn’t have a proper conversation because she was too engrossed with her phone, going through the pictures she took and gushing about the restaurant’s aesthetics.

When the food arrived, she complained about it because she had ordered a meal she found out didn’t taste like she thought it would. We ate slowly and awkwardly, and through the sparse conversations we had while eating overpriced meals, I quickly found out that we didn’t have enough mutual interests to want to see her again.

We were at the beginning of a talking stage, and I saw a potential in us evolving into something more concrete. We didn’t, and after that night, our interactions died a quiet natural death, and I took my L. 

A week after our date, I saw photos of her in another fancy restaurant, probably with another guy. When I scrolled through her media page, I began to understand a pattern of social interaction I wasn’t aware of. What I thought was a dinner date with a prospective partner was just another night out to improve her social media aesthetics.

That was the last time I went on a dinner date with a lady before we formed an established relationship.

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I am a movie-date-for-the-first-date kind of guy. Movie dates are fun, safe, and inexpensive. They don’t involve much talking, so I don’t have to deal with the awkward silence of two people who barely know each other trying to have a conversation. There are barely awkward pauses because we both have a film to focus on.

But they are risky. What if my date doesn’t like the movie, or worse,  what if they think I am cheap? I let my dates pick the movie because my taste is very niche, and most people would find my choices boring.

I used to leave dinner dates for later when the lady and I had begun a well-defined relationship. I thought dinner dates were too formal to jump into with someone I’d just met and didn’t know that well. Plus, plotting the graph of the cost of a restaurant with the right ambiance against your budget is not easy math. 

Before I commit to something that daunting and expensive, I need some kind of security. Plus, I’m also one for coffee, parks, and bookstore dates. But from my experience with Nigerian women, they often want to start with dinner dates because they think movie dates or coffee hangouts are cheap or boring. There’s a significant social difference in how Nigerian women go through court. You can tell this by simply following social media conversations around dating on the Nigerian internet space. A proper date, within the everyday Nigerian context, means going to fine places to eat.

The dinner date I mentioned above isn’t an isolated incident. I have gone on many first dates that were dinner dates. Some of them were great, but many were terrible. Some of my dates weren’t even interested in the food they ordered. They just needed it to look good. Unlike movie and coffee dates, dinner dates are expensive. Restaurants with good enough ambience cost upwards of 50 thousand naira for two people. That’s a lot of money to spend on a date with someone whose attraction to you, you aren’t sure about in the first place.

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Dinner dates have a traditional and cultural significance. They provide an intimate setting for two people to connect on a deeper level, face-to-face. It signifies a willingness to share and be vulnerable, which is crucial in the early stages of a romantic relationship. It also shows that you value and care about your date because dinner dates require some planning.

Dining together promotes a sense of comfort and ease, allowing individuals to open up to one another and assess compatibility. You may like someone and hate the way they chew when you go on a dinner date with them. And it’s just easier to fall deeper in love when the ambiance is excellent, the food is delicious, the wine tastes great, and people are waiting on your every need.

So when is it appropriate to take someone on a dinner date? To tell you the truth, I don’t know. It’s complicated. Here’s what I know, though.

The first and most crucial factor is mutual comfort. If you and your date have reached a point where conversations flow easily and there’s a sense of connection and rapport, it might be the right time to propose a dinner date. At this point, you know what your date likes, and the conversations will not be awkward. Your date may even feed you some of their food if you’re lucky.

Chemistry is key in any romantic relationship. If you feel a genuine spark between you and your date, it’s a good indicator that you’re both ready to take things to the next level. The anticipation of a more intimate setting, like a dinner date, can add an exciting dimension to your budding romance.

But a lot of women on the TL don’t feel this way. Some people have opined that taking a woman out on a date is the ultimate gesture of attraction, and this gesture is what would signify your seriousness about getting the woman interested in you.

So, at what point in the dating process should you ask a lady you’re interested in on a dinner date? First date? Second date? Much later? If any of you know, please tell us.